I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
