someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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