Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont even know how to be here
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
