if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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