She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
