I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
