dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
