she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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