I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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