Umm I'm too high to move.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
