Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
