he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
