nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
