My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
