He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
