We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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