based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
