24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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