i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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