Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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