I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
