I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we made out on top of his cat.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My vagina is officially offended.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
