Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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