well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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