In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
