You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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