A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I didn't notice because vodka
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
