At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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