you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
there is glitter all over my balls
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
