I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
