So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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