I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
