I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
