I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
