Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
