do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
