The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
