No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
