look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
