Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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