turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
