Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
