I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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