ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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