So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize