So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
