dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
