the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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