you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my shit smells like andre
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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