I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
honey bunches of taint.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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