her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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