I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
