he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
