I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
