why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am mentally ready for anal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
