he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
