U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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