I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
