More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
