i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
