Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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