I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
