it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
