I must be too annoying 4 u.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
