her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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