How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
