Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
