Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
