Apparently you make a good broom.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
