You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
