im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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