I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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