never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize