my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
