Where did you get a picture of my penis
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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