We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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