is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize