Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
