I cannot find my penis.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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