i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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