I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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