sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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