How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
