Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
