I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
